First, the Plans Changed
Have you ever had a week where life gave you a series of unexpected events? This has been me. In the space of one week, I withdrew from the program I had hoped would help me get ahead on my writing career.
I let my landlord and boss know I would be moving back to Texas. I began to reshape my schedule and plans for reaching my goals of becoming a full-time author. I began to feel hopeful again.
Then I went to the doctor…
Then the lung specialist told me that I have signs of restricted lungs and that’s why I haven’t been able to breathe properly. Something (like scar tissue) is blocking my lungs, preventing me from pulling in a full breath and something else (like collapsing lungs) is keeping me from being able to push all the air out, leaving it trapped.
What that something is, I will not know until next week when I have a CAT scan. I’d expected a medication adjustment and the usual, “You’re fine. It’s asthmas. Go home.” So in the middle of the week, I was sent reeling again.
Then my truck broke…
I prayed. Recalibrated. Roped my thoughts back when they started running away into dark directions. Focused on the happy things like going back to the home I love and being able to do my writing and editing work in a way that felt more compatible with how I naturally work.
Tried to spend time with my friends up here before I have to leave them. Planned a road trip home. And then my AC door to my truck broke. So, I have cold air blowing on the windshield, but not through the front vents. And a 21-hour road trip back south.
This has been a hard week. This has been a hard year. I’m looking into a future full of huge question marks. I wish I could make this blog organized, catchy, and uplifting. But mostly, I’m scared to write because my emotions haven’t settled yet. I am excited, angry, trusting, scared, optimistic, motivated, and depressed at any given moment through the day.
But I am okay.
Just like my friend Alli writes on her blog, I’m choosing joy.
I just turned 36 and God gave me a chance to start over. Most people don’t get that at 36, or ever. I can choose where I want to live. I can choose how I want to bring in income. I can choose which activities to focus on to build my readership and publishing work.
I can choose to trust that God is doing something I can’t see behind the scenes and that He will provide the things that I have lost when I came here and started over – now that I’m starting over again.
So please don’t be surprised when you see changes. After July, I will be writing to you from Texas. I can show you life in my 1912 house.
I will be switching websites as well. Older readers will recognize it as my old site. Newer readers will see a new blog when they come to read. Please don’t let this jar you.
My old site just worked better for my brain, and I have missed it, so I’m getting it back.
You’ll also get more posts like this! Peeks into my life, behind the scenes of my publishing, and of course my experiments and research of how people lived their every day lives in the past.
It’s going to take a while for me to stop reeling. You will be seeing changes. But thank you for sticking with me and helping me ride out the earthquake, sort through the rubble, and let God build a new stage of my life.
Lindsey Renée Backen